I stare at the two googly eyes
& wait
slowly the right blinks one
then two
then three
creeping (ever so slowly) one-by-one to the next number
but the left remains - a worm hole
boring into my chest cavity
sucking in my fragile mind
Is it me? Am I doing something wrong?
Or is it just me hoping for a connection
that will never be?
I'm the first to ring
the first to knock
I fight tooth&nail to step through the doors
to engage with others
It's exhausting &
I can count on my left pinky toe (& sometime my right)
the number that will initiate first-contact
I stare at the zero ogling me
who in my mind's eye is reflecting
my worth
3 comments:
smiles...i think you have come a good ways in connecting with others...i remember you telling me about it (years? ago?) well i will be your pinky toe...ha...
oy a week of being disconnected was...well, disconnecting...smiles...i am back...playing catch up....
I can relate to this. I guess growth includes accepting ourselves as we are and I have found that life has forced me to be much more extroverted than I would normally be.
Ah yes, sometimes it is hard to be the one to initiate....but oftentimes the risk is worth it. One doesn't find out unless one tries. But I do know that it IS often a painful process as well. I think....for everyone...whether they admit it or not.
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