None the Wiser

I don't think he knows
it's him

or maybe he fears
he's wrong
or perhaps
he's saving me from
embarrassment.

Part of me wants him
to know
to understand
he give me pause not
to disappear;

Part of me fears him
knowing
'cause
it's stupid to feel
this way

and what
if he doesn't
care

and what
if in knowing
he disappears.

I don't think he knows,
       my angel
       my breath
       my friend
       my reason for returning
                             continuing;
I don't think he knows.

I write of him
in ambiguous terms
distancing us
even more so than we
already are.

So how would he know?

It's time to stop writing
of him
to him
and just accept the gift
he un-knowingly gives.