Friday, July 25, 2014


the witching hour lies betwixt dusk and dawn

and the sunrise is the blush of a young
girl experiencing love's first kiss;

and a baby's first cry is a rosy bloom
opening its eyes to the budding light;

and her laugh is an onslaught of
fireworks spreading across my heart;

and his freckles are constellations
guiding her to the safety of home;

and every time you look at me, my heart
is a butterfly dancing on the wind;

and the sunset is rainbow sherbert
my eyes cannot wait to devour;

and the moon is a shifting sail drifting
through a bioluminescent sea

in the witching hour betwixt dusk and dawn.

Inspiration for this piece:  Over at dVerse Poets Pub, they are exploring metaphors.  I, myself, am quite partial to "like" (not so much "as")...okay I'm not necessarily partial to it, I just tend to use it without thinking.  Anyway, as you can see, this piece is a metaphor's dream.   

A note on form:  As mentioned in a previous post....  "At the moment, to my knowledge, there is no official name for this form (for the purpose of being able to label this post, I have temporarily dubbed it toria indirectly after its inventor).  It along with a handful of others was developed by one of the dVerse Poet Pub community members for a prompt where participants were asked to develop their own form (or a variation of an existing form).  This form was developed by Victoria C. Slotto."


Mary said...

Oh how I like the idea of 'my heart is a butterfly dancing on the wind.' Beautifully expressed, RMP. Wonderfully metaphoric write.

Gabriella said...

I like all the images you have used and am impressed that it does not feel there are too many! As someone who had freckles when I was younger I liked the image of the freckles being constellations bringing someone home.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

A wonderful bunch of metaphors.......a wealth of imagery!

Claudia said...

oh those are beautiful... my fav is the one...his freckles are constellations
guiding her to the safety of cool is that... love the whole idea of it..

Glenn Buttkus said...

like my American Sentences, this form lets each stanza both stand alone, and weave words/metaphors into the whole; liked the lines
/and the sunset is rainbow sherbet/my eyes cannot wait to devour/.

Other Mary said...

I like the form you have used, and each of your rich images is separate and yet connected. Lovely.

Abhra said...

Wow, such an intense array of metaphors - it is difficult to choose which one I like more than the other.

Sumana Roy said...

the metaphors lend a wonderful sweetness and completeness to the poem....

Grace said...

I am bewitched your couplets specially the:

and the sunset is rainbow sherbert
my eyes cannot wait to devour;

and the moon is a shifting sail drifting
through a bioluminescent sea -

Beautifully written ~

Victoria said...

You are something! Toria! Wow. I so love what you did with this, it's just gorgeous--all the comparison are such vivid images of what they represent. I do wish I'd written this. :0) Thank you. I'm honored.

Anders Woje Ellingsen said...

As I read the poem, all those images appear common in the witching hour. They are to many, they do not light up, ignite or fertilize to a being in the witching hour. Being in the witching hour is sad, making you numb. I think you express this quite clear. The images (methafors) are not felt but rationalized, the way you lay them out. I like that. You point out something really worth while reflecting upon.

quest4peas said...

These metaphors are a bowl of strawberries covered in sugar and cream... In other words, delicious! :-)

Brian Miller said...

cool that you keep revisiting the forms that were created....that is a magic time, when all things seem much as in your words...this made me smile...the laughter as fireworks...the constellation builds nicely on each other....

Polly said...

Enjoyed your response to this prompt - nice work - great topic :)