the witching hour lies betwixt dusk and dawn —
and the sunrise is the blush of a young
girl experiencing love's first kiss;
and a baby's first cry is a rosy bloom
opening its eyes to the budding light;
and her laugh is an onslaught of
fireworks spreading across my heart;
and his freckles are constellations
guiding her to the safety of home;
and every time you look at me, my heart
is a butterfly dancing on the wind;
and the sunset is rainbow sherbert
my eyes cannot wait to devour;
and the moon is a shifting sail drifting
through a bioluminescent sea
in the witching hour betwixt dusk and dawn.
Inspiration for this piece: Over at dVerse Poets Pub, they are exploring metaphors. I, myself, am quite partial to "like" (not so much "as")...okay I'm not necessarily partial to it, I just tend to use it without thinking. Anyway, as you can see, this piece is a metaphor's dream.
A note on form: As mentioned in a previous post.... "At the moment, to my knowledge, there is no
official name for this form (for the purpose of being able to label this
post, I have temporarily dubbed it toria indirectly after its inventor). It along with a handful of others was developed by one of the dVerse Poet Pub community members for a prompt where participants were asked to develop their own form (or a variation of an existing form). This form was developed by Victoria C. Slotto."
14 comments:
Oh how I like the idea of 'my heart is a butterfly dancing on the wind.' Beautifully expressed, RMP. Wonderfully metaphoric write.
I like all the images you have used and am impressed that it does not feel there are too many! As someone who had freckles when I was younger I liked the image of the freckles being constellations bringing someone home.
A wonderful bunch of metaphors.......a wealth of imagery!
oh those are beautiful... my fav is the one...his freckles are constellations
guiding her to the safety of home....how cool is that... love the whole idea of it..
like my American Sentences, this form lets each stanza both stand alone, and weave words/metaphors into the whole; liked the lines
/and the sunset is rainbow sherbet/my eyes cannot wait to devour/.
I like the form you have used, and each of your rich images is separate and yet connected. Lovely.
Wow, such an intense array of metaphors - it is difficult to choose which one I like more than the other.
the metaphors lend a wonderful sweetness and completeness to the poem....
I am bewitched your couplets specially the:
and the sunset is rainbow sherbert
my eyes cannot wait to devour;
and the moon is a shifting sail drifting
through a bioluminescent sea -
Beautifully written ~
You are something! Toria! Wow. I so love what you did with this, it's just gorgeous--all the comparison are such vivid images of what they represent. I do wish I'd written this. :0) Thank you. I'm honored.
Humbled!
As I read the poem, all those images appear common in the witching hour. They are to many, they do not light up, ignite or fertilize to a being in the witching hour. Being in the witching hour is sad, making you numb. I think you express this quite clear. The images (methafors) are not felt but rationalized, the way you lay them out. I like that. You point out something really worth while reflecting upon.
These metaphors are a bowl of strawberries covered in sugar and cream... In other words, delicious! :-)
cool that you keep revisiting the forms that were created....that is a magic time, when all things seem possible....as much as in your words...this made me smile...the laughter as fireworks...the constellation freckles...it builds nicely on each other....
Enjoyed your response to this prompt - nice work - great topic :)
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