A Blessing and a Curse

Diary Entry
03/04/1991
(9th grade)

"Nicole tryed to kill herself.
I really mean it, she even
showed me the marks on her wrists.
...
she told me she wouldn't do it (again).
I know I should believe her, but
what if she gets really upset and
does it anyway."

I don't know
if in that moment
I truly understood the impact
this event had on me, even
nine days later.

Diary Entry
03/13/1991

"Life sucks.  And there's only one
way out and Nicole knows that way.
I'd never do it though."

I can't say,
at what point in time
I realized
truly realized
the influence this moment had
on me.

I'd never do it though.
hmm...
I'd never do it though.
a simple statement, but
the implications...

To be truthful
I'm not sure if I am thankful
or annoyed at her
for taking this option
away from me.

I realize how that sounds
& more often than not
thankful wins out.

but still I wonder...

Poetic Verse:  If I could, this would be my suicide note
08/21/2012

"How do I forget how to breathe?
If only I could, I might finally
leech myself of this hope(lessness)"

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On inspiration for this piece: This idea was pulled from Poetic Asides's 2015 April PAD Challenge: Day 24. "For today’s prompt, write a moment poem."