Friday, October 3, 2014

Smack's Kiwi (N+7)

crinkles sing gently
beneath the moped's lushes glutton
waking drifts behind closed fables

carbohydrate horseflies serenade
beneath flashing nest likelihood
coaxing drifts to steal the nil

Inspiration for this piece:   As previously mentioned, over at dVerse Poets Pub they are exploring the merger of math and poetry.  The particular form described is the most popular OULIPO (Ouvroir de Litterature Potentielle); it is called N+7.  You take an already existing piece and replace all nouns with the noun seven places away in a dictionary of your choosing (mine was a Merriam-Webster's Pocket Dictionary).  Now, in my head this meant counting not every word and hoping the seventh was a noun (which may be what was supposed to be done), but rather finding the seventh noun that followed it (thus only counting a word if it was a noun).  You are also not to use a word that has the same root...this for me occurred twice and interestingly enough in the same relative spot.  The last word in each stanza.  This meant in the first stanza (which ended with eyes) I could not only not use eyesores, but had to skip past all the eye--- into the F's.  The second stanzas end of night would have been replaced with nightmare.

On selecting an original poem:  Short and sweet...

Slumber's Kiss

crickets sing gently
beneath the moon's lushes glow
waking dreams behind closed eyes

car horns serenade
beneath flashing neon lights
coaxing dreams to steal the night 


Matt Spence said...

Groovy experiment! Loved the original piece as well.

Gabriella said...

Great poem, rmp! I was astounded to see that quite a few poems actually made some kind of sense. 'carbohydrate horseflies serenade' - a very cool line.

Sumana Roy said...

the original one is a beauty and it's really interesting to see how the poem changes...some cool expressions here too :)

Vandana Sharma said...

very nicely done and I like the use of " carbohydrates"!!!

ds said...

Gotta watch out for those carbohydrate horseflies! I love that you used "moped" for moon (i took a small liberty with that one & went for the next noun). And your original piece is lovely. Thank you.

Grace said...

That is so far off from the original, but you got some unusual verses ~ That last line though is lovely ~ Thanks for the share ~

Claudia said...

carbohydrate horseflies serenade....this is just sooooo very good... cracked me up... ha

Victoria said...

How did I miss this!!! It's so fun--beginning with the title. Nicely done, rmp. (wish I could call you by name!)

Brian Miller said...

ha. so is the carb horsefly serenade as deep as i imagine it to be...smiles....i think the shorter the poem the greater the chance of it seeming to make sense...smiles.