I can connect the dots 'cross the bridge
of her nose just to hear her sweet giggle
bubble around us.
I know she'll shake
her face and scrunch up her nose,
pull back from my reach and twirl
her pink lace layered skirt flaring out
about her as though at any moment
it'll lift her into the air -
a flying petal
propeller spiriting her up as her arms
reach out toward the sky above.
She'll stop mid-twirl, quickly regain her legs
and run back towards me.
"Again! Again! Do it again!"
and...
she'll squirm and giggle as
I count...
"1, 2, 3...over the mountain...4, 5, 6, 7"
before she escapes my grasp once again
soaring in carefree giggly delight.
A bit of rambling and Inspiration for this piece: There is a reason I write poetry. I don't much care for the detail that goes along with writing lengthy prose. Building a scene or developing a character is wordy and poetry well I admit it has its moments, but for the most part siphons of most of the unnecessary. I've managed lengthy prose, but that's mainly because I quite enjoy the dialogue and the moments and emotions I can conjure up with dialogue.
The reason I mention any of this is because I find it hard enough to develop a character when faced with lengthy prose, the idea of doing so within the confines of poem seems crazy. Not that it can't be done. I have read some amazing pieces where a character can seamlessly be brought to life through poetry. I think the underlying problem is that I just don't "look" at people...fear tied to social anxiety; I have a unwritten piece entitle "Selective Blindness" that speaks to this, but that's besides the point. Anyway...
With the prompt over at dVerse Poets Pub for this week's Meeting the Bar, being about creating a character through a poem...this here is my feeble attempt at capturing a character through poetry.
15 comments:
This is vivid characterization full of poetry...I think you have nailed this prompt.
I agree with Ronald--no feeble attempt here, your young lady lives.
I found this to be a strong creation of character...and as some say, the best way to write a poem is to "show" and not "tell"...I think you've done that marvelously here.
Ah, I can definitely picture this!!
smiles...i love kids...to i like the play in this....def you capture her but also the narator well in this....i like the image of the flying petal propelling outward as well....
I know what you mean...but you did a wonderful job....indeed!
It is a shame that poetry has been so devalued by "society" that an excellent poet such as yourself feels pressured to do something other than simply continue demonstrating your excellence. I feel that I am a much better poet than prose writer, but of course, the "market" for poetry is not what it once was (if it ever was what it seems that it once was, although these "Golden Ages" look pretty brassy to those who are living through them, I suspect) - I think that it is fine that you try to get outside of your comfort zone, as long as you don't forget that you are already great at what you do, even if it isn't as appreciated as it should be.
And I am with you on the social anxiety thing - I have a pretty bad case of it myself, and it has taken years to find ways to overcome it to even the degree that I have.
Okay, I rambled a lot without actually talking about the poem - it is, as usual, wonderful. You developed the character beautifully, with economy of words and specificity of detail - what more can anyone ask for from a poem?
I like your reasons for writing poetry It takes a gift to crystallise emotion meaning and understanding into a poem eliminating the superfluity of prose. Unfortunately poetry requires an erudite insightful and sensitive audience and society's reading audience falls way out of that league.
Your poem is successful in creating that character and NC Oliver is right ...you are an excellent poet.
Your poem is exquisite.. And as a character description makes me so glad to read.. I can read such love in your words.. As for writiing poetry I share your views.. And I rather write prose like poetry than poetry like prose..
oh i think you captured her beautifully...love the carefree mood... so lightweight and playful... thanks for the smile
I like that spinning-top kind of girl you created. Also share your views that the paring down we do in poetry is not the easiest way to convey a factual description.
I specially love this part:
a flying petal
propeller spiriting her up as her arms
reach out toward the sky above.
This is vivid portrayal, not feeble writing at all ~
A precious little girl you describe, dancing, twirling & giggling. Your admiration for her, as one who is probably part of your family, is evident in your kind, loving words.
Excellent condensation in poetry.
Less is more accomplished...
wonderful =)
This is a beautiful description. Nothing at all feeble about this. You deftly brought the reader into the moment, and I never wanted the moment to end.
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