I stopped by your place today
& you were gone
I knocked - not once, not twice, but
four times just to be sure
& I shouldn't be upset, nor standing here
watering your lawn
but I realize it's been over two weeks
& I didn't even notice
& I know you haven't really been here
not completely
not for a while
but still there was also a sense of security
in hoping today
you might show
& now there is this finality &
I can't help myself
stupid, I know
when I myself had thoughts
of doing just this
disappearing
erasing myself from existence
& at the same time I feel the need
to thank you
yes, thank you
words haven't flowed like this in awhile
at least not the way
I've needed them to
& so here I sit writing this half-assed letter
like so many before
that I've never sent
but just threw out into the ether hoping
you would know
& understand
I was speaking of you...to you...with you
& maybe now I'll take pause and rethink
disappearing
fading away
erasing my presences from existence
Don't get me wrong
I'm still standing here
hoping it's not real
and upset
after all, I had at least intended
to say goodbye
Odd really
when there are dozens of people
who would wish that word from you
& I would only garner...
well I'm guessing not even you.
So stupid really
to be effected so
but seeing the world through my eyes
has always been blurred with tears
while seeing the world through yours
was like gazing into a kaleidoscope
& so though it matters not,
not really,
goodbye.
